i am a monster and you are all too humanonly the moon will everi am a monster and you are all too human by jessigoldfish
know that I need you,
daytime always comes around
before I think to tell you
and makes it too easy to pretend
you're just another victim
in my endless search for flesh.
I didn't choose to be
a vampire aching for the humanity
of your sunlit skin but
when you look at me like that
i wish i could hold you
until i memorized the rhythm
of your beating heart.
I can't tell you I love you because
by the time I remember
what it is to feel again
the stars are dripping
through the cracks in my window
and you are safe beneath the covers
as you dream of sunlight.
if you could see me
when it's 3 am and
I'm falling to pieces
I'd send you running back
to the security of your pillow
where my nightmares
can't reach you.
the dead hearts of night children
don't beat like they used to
but the empty space in my chest
still throbs when you gently
pull your arms away and leave
to make it home
before the sun sets.
it isn't nice to ignore peopleyour deafening silenceit isn't nice to ignore people by jessigoldfish
is louder than the screams
i strangle at night
when everything you haven't said
is buzzing in the
empty space between my ears.
i miss your little hellos
and the way you made
my name sound like
something worth saying
when it was coming
from your poet's lips,
sideways smile always
aimed in my direction
but you were never one
to waste words and i
am no longer worth
your precious syllables.
if i had three wishesi would wishif i had three wishes by jessigoldfish
you didn't want
to understand me
because it makes it
so much harder not to
push you down the rabbit hole
and let you see in to
my topsy-turvy mind
i would wish
you wouldn't tell me
it's ok to be crazy
like it's fine to paint
pictures on my wrists with
dirty razor blades or to
consider starvation an art
that needs perfecting
i would wish
you couldn't think
that you love me
because I am a wildfire
ready to ruin everything
that's stupid enough
to touch me but you
come back after every burn.
I should come with a warning labelhe said that my smileI should come with a warning label by jessigoldfish
lit the whole room up
but I am a flashlight
with a burned out bulb
and no batteries left
to brighten even
a sliver of space.
i'm sorry my stormy moods
are the reason that
you don't smile now but
i can't be your sunshine when
it's too difficult to lift
these rain clouds
from my own head.
sunday girli watch you shuffle through the kitchensunday girl by anobrain
and i can feel my fingers softening
and my mind crashing but there are so many
things i want to scream at you, like:
how on earth did you learn to love me
when there are continents forming between my ankles,
when i'm stuck in the middle of a road and there's
a car coming right for me and i just stand and wait,
and how on earth could anyone
have so many freckles between their shoulder blades and
why is it that when you nestle your stupid head into
the spaces between my ribs all i can say is
that your hair smells like September 25th, 2012,
or how your eyes look like pages of an atlas
and that i want to read the whole thing
some people say you can miss somebody before they've even arrived.
i just tell them, "i know."
Late Bloomer AUDIOVISUALI'd never been in love before,Late Bloomer AUDIOVISUAL by muscularteeth
didn't buy the bullshit.
That two complete a universe
when we're just vibrations
in a cycle of matter,
I guess I blame my parents' marriage.
I took my father's rage,
hated men for violence,
and women for dealing with it.
That a hairline fracture was
just another way to say
I love you forever,
I barred myself from weakness.
My first girlfriend's name was Megan,
I threw her clothes under the bed so she'd
bend over to get them. She said,
No one will tie you down,
you're an implosion,
I thought it was a compliment.
Sifting through sex and infatuation,
I learned how to fuck hard
then keep my distance,
call myself a whore,
call that feminism,
I wanted to be alone.
I wanted to be mysterious.
I wanted a penis or a lobotomy.
I wanted to give myself to a religion
just to escape my own libido until,
I fixed his necklace. He seemed naive,
he talked a lot about his dreams,
infuriated me. He drove me to
Just RightThey called me The White Whale.Just Right by muscularteeth
I dreamed of carving off my blubber,
perhaps learning to breathe
for minutes at a time
so I could sing,
because whales are elusive.
The ocean is vast. I could have lived
without another pinch, another poke, another
he only loves you for your tits. Get a tan,
go for a jog, are you gonna eat
Their harpoons were steady.
They had no remorse, a close friend told me,
"I just want you to be healthy." She braided my hair,
complimented the color, my eyes a drizzle,
said there was a mermaid
hiding in my shape,
I started smoking the next day.
I used to pace from the cabinet
to the basement with armfuls of confections,
I hid behind our yellow shed and guzzled
black coffee, nicotine, green tea, THC,
with giddiness turned vibrant,
all colors shook,
the first person to notice
said he didn't know I could look so good.
I found my cheekbones, polished my scales,
glittered and flitted and flirted and swam
in schools of gaping grou